...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
