I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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