Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
