Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
