You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize