Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
