i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
