I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
being pregnant is like rehab
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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