One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
