I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize