I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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