I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
