Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
