and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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