Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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