Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He keeps bees of course he's weird
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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