So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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