I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
