Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
