I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
