I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize