im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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