Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
that's an acceptable place to lick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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