Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
