the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
