I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my being single is dangerous.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
