I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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