Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
