You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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