after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
