I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
