Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
