WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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