so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My ass is underappreciated
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
