I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
