Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
