She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
