He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
