it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
