I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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