did you get engaged???
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
