Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So squirting runs in the family.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
