Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
two words: eviction party
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
