Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
