i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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