Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
