My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
