Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
