i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
