hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
operation harelip BJ is a go
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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