We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
