so that wasnt chicken after all
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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