you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She announced her abortion via fbk
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
