at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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