at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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