Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
