Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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