too bad you live with your parents still
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
