i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
