Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
