The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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