Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
