butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
