this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize
