I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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