didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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