Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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