just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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