Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
