I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
