i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
