How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
