the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
