You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I deserve this hangover.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
