If that was your dad, he is hot
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
