We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
